Dealing with Defeat

It is always nerve wracking for me to watch my teammates fight in tournaments. My palms get sweaty. My heart pounds. By the end of a tournament, my voice is usually gone and, even if I didn't fight, I am exhausted. But being there to support the girls from the women's class took my anxiety to a whole new level.

Four of our new girls competed, three for the first time. Every time one of them stepped on the mat, I felt proud and scared at the same time. The fact that they were brave enough to try at all made me proud. What made the experience even better was seeing them use what they have been practicing in a high stress situation. They fought well and with a lot of heart. I couldn't be happier.

But, strangely, the thing I am most proud of happened in the week after the tournament. One of my girls went and lost. It happens to all of us. You work so hard, but it just doesn't come together. When that happens to one of my teammates, I always feel like I'm holding my breathe to see how they will take the loss. Will it shatter their confidence or push them to train harder for the next tournament?

Understandably, this student was upset right after the loss. She had given it everything she had. I've been there before. I hugged her, told her how proud I was of her and about all the positive things I saw in her grapple, then she and her friends watched the rest of the tournament and enjoyed themselves.

I wondered what she was thinking. Would she lose confidence in herself? Would she want to try again? Would she even want to keep training? This girl has a lot of potential and the thought of her quitting made me feel very anxious.

But I knew this was one of those defining moments that grapplers face. Jiu-jitsu is hard. You get bruised up physically and emotionally. But eventually, if you do not quit, you can learn from all your bumps and  bruises and hopefully avoid them in the future. Or deal them out yourself. ;)


When this student showed up for class the next week, I was paying close attention to her attitude. I found out everything I needed to know as soon as we slapped hands to grapple. She was hungry. She fought better and with more aggression than I had ever seen from her before. It wasn't just her trying to use strength, she was thinking. She was using her technique and she was coming after me. 


I couldn't stop smiling. I was even more proud of her then than I had been with her good attitude at the tournament. She wasn't going to quit. She was going to work harder. She was was going to make sure she learned her lessons from that tournament. Already, in the few weeks that have passed, I have seen improvement. 

So...keep struggling. Wear your bruises with pride. They're evidence that you're committed to growth, both as a grappler and as a person. Osss!!!

Teams Build People

When I first started coming to Fabio's, I thought it would be intimidating and maybe even slightly hazardous to my joints. I mean, you have a mat full of big, sweaty guys who are spinning around and jumping and twisting limbs and choking people. Kind of intimidating.

I was quiet as a mouse for a while after I started coming there. Very shy. I think I said "I'm sorry" even if someone accidentally bumped into me.

But I realized early on that the guys at the gym were not blood thirsty meat heads who might snap my arms off if I offended them. I started noticing how they went out of their way to help me during drilling, correcting little details I was doing wrong. I noticed how most of them were careful with their weight distribution while we grappled. Many of them even instructed me on things during my grapples. Anyone that I asked to help me was more than willing to try to help me understand difficult movements and concepts. I also noticed that these guys were a part of each others lives outside of the gym and were there for each other. And soon they were there for me too.

The team, I realized, was a big family. And it's function was to built people up, not just in the techniques of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but in character as well. People who are lacking in confidence are encouraged and strengthened. People who are prideful are humbled, but then encouraged once they realize their mistake.  People who have trouble dealing with conflict learn how to manage their anger. People who are scared are challenged to face their fears. People who are passionate are given a channel to fuel their energy into.

For me, personally, my team has helped me develop self confidence. When I first came to Fabio's, like I said, I was very much a mouse in the corner. Through competition (which I hated until the past six months or so), through hitting the wall and having to keep going, through trying and failing, I have realized that it is ok to be imperfect. In fact, it is what makes us human. When I understand that it is ok for me to make mistakes, so long as I learn from them--on and off the mat--then I have freedom to try things I would otherwise be too scared to do.

I have learned that I can survive, even when I am being squashed by a giant man. I have learned not to give up, even when it looks like I am going to lose. I have learned that patience and adaptability can beat sheer power. I have learned never to underestimate what my body--and mind--are capable of doing even when I think I have nothing left.

The question I have is, since my team has given me so much, am I paying it forward? I want the answer to be yes.

Thanks for everything, guys. You are like my family and I love you!!

Summer Training

It is hard for me to believe how fast time has flown by. Last summer, Stephanie and I started teaching the Women's Class at Fabio's. A few weeks ago, during Women's Class, I was watching the girls grapple and realized that they deserved stripes. 

It is funny, because we don't focus that much on stripes and belt promotions at our school. Fabio tries to get us to think about learning, not about "advancing". So it is not something that is in the forefront of my mind usually. 

But when I was watching the girls grapple, I was noticing things like how they were keeping their base when passing guard, how they are keeping good pressure from top positions, how they are attacking and seeing submissions from different positions and transitioning between positions and submissions. And I realized belatedly that these girls are not brand new beginners anymore. 

They've grown. 

Fabio had taken the stripe tape with him to the Brandon school, but I was too excited to wait for the real tape. So one my friends, Anthony, helped me make stripes out of medical tape. Hahaha. Three of the girls got the most gheto (but really meaningful to me) stripes that night. Congrats to Victoria, Madison and Shelby!! 

There is someone else I need to sing praises to as well. 

Stephanie is the cream filled center of my Oreo. She's not only my best friend, but she has been right beside me since day one with the Women's Class. Starting up a new program--especially one that tries to convince women to come in, get sweaty and fight other women--is hard. We have seen a lot of girls come in and not come back. We've seen some come and stay for a while, then leave. But slowly, over time, we have been built up a core of dedicated women who love the sport. I don't think I would have been able to do it without Stephanie.

 Now, as summer comes, we are getting ready to bring or Women's Class to a tournament in July. The girls are kicking it into high gear and I couldn't be more proud of them. It is so exciting for me to see them growing both in skill and confidence. I love my ladies!!

On an unrelated note, I had the pleasure of going to visit The Armory in Palm Beach a few weekends ago. I went to visit a friend of mine, Marcelo Cohen, who trains there. Everyone at The Armory welcomed me like I was family. I had some awesome training there and, if you're ever in the Palm Beach area, don't miss the chance to go there. You will meet some great people and get some great training. Thanks to everyone there for making my weekend so awesome! 

2012 PanAms

I am finally carving out time to write my Panams post!! It was such a great experience all around, it is hard to know what to talk about first. 

I mentioned on here that I was cutting weight to the division below the one I normally fight in. I usually do lightweight, so this time, I cut to featherweight. I only had to drop around 10 lbs and I started in December, so I thought it wouldn't be that difficult. At first, it wasn't. I just cut my calories and upped my cardio. But as I got closer and closer to the competition, those last few pounds were REALLY hanging on for dear life. I was in full blown panic mode by the time I left.  

Enter three of the best teammates ever!

From the left, you have Ray, Jimmy and Brian. They helped me not to lose my mind on Wednesday and Thursday. They went down with me to do cardio Wednesday night and Thursday night. But, even though I was eating super clean and doing cardio, I still was a pound over on Friday morning when I had to fight.

I've never gone to a tournament and not made weight. I was panicking, for sure. I had already done 30 mins of cardio in sweats that morning and I hadn't eaten anything. The night before, I had done 45 mins of cardio, ate only and apple and an orange and slept in sweats. Still a pound over.

Fabio told me to go out to the car in sweats and in my gi,, turn the heater up and sweat it out. I was sitting out there, freaking out, and one of my teammates, Paul, called me. He talked me through everything and got my mind off of the panic. After about 40 mins, I went back in and weighed in and made weight! Woohoo!!

With all the worry about making weight, I wasn't nervous at all about the actual competition. After I made weight, I was so happy that the rest of the day was just...fun! At the Miami Open, I was able to relax and not be a nervous wreck. But this time, I actually had a lot of fun.

I was thrilled to see a lot of Florida girls at the Pans. Shout out to Melissa Bentley, who I got to fight in my division. She was by far my hardest match, both times. Glad to have gotten to know you more, girl!! I also saw Jennifer, from over at http://family-mat-ters.blogspot.com/. Also, congrats to Amanda "Tubby" Santana, who not only competed and did well, but also got promoted to purple belt on the podium! :)

I learned a lot at this tournament, especially about the mental aspect of competing. I learned that my body can do much more than I thought, if I push myself and stay focused. Also, I got over my fear of take downs and the stand up portion of competition. I didn't do any awesome take downs, but for the first time I felt comfortable on my feet. That is a big step for me. Maybe I can start to be a little more confident to try new take downs in the future.

I also had a breakthrough with a sweep from guard. When the other person stands up in your guard, you swim the leg, switch your hips and take them over. In my first match, I forgot about it. But my teammate, Jimmy, was screaming from the sidelines in my next match telling me to do that sweep. I did and after that, I saw that sweep all over the place. Fabio has shown me that sweep about a million times, but I never really noticed it during the heat of grappling until that moment. Funny how things click sometimes.

When I look back at competitions in the past, they have not been fun for me. I put so much pressure on myself to perform that I missed out on all the joy of being on the mat and meeting new people and just enjoying the fun. But now, I look at it differently. I have nothing to prove to anyone. All I can do is go out on the mat, do what I know, fight my hardest and enjoy the people and the experience. If I can do that, win or lose, I can walk off the mat happy.

Here are some pictures from the trip:

Team Fabio Novaes!! 

Featherweights represent!! All three of us placed in our division AND in absolute. Little people rule! :)

Us on the podium for our division.

Double Rainbow all the way! What does it mean??? lol

Congrats to the Tower of Terror, Brian Germain, and Ray!

Soooo....this is what happened after I was done fighting. And it has kept on happening ever since! 

Got to see a little bit of the beach.

Last story. There were a lot of really awesome BJJ grapplers at the tournament and every time I turned around, I was all fan-girl about someone. Got to see a lot of awesome fights. Tried to soak it up like a sponge. But there was one guy, who wasn't competing, that I wanted to get a picture with. Marcelo Garcia. I really love his grappling style and am a little bit star struck by him. lol. My teammates kept making fun of me, because I would see him, start to go over to ask for a picture with him, then chicken out and turn back. Finally on the last day of the tournament, my teammate Ray sees me looking at Marcelo and he shouts out, "Hey Marcelo! This girl has been trying to get a picture with you all week!" 

Needless to say I blushed a little bit. But he was really nice and he came over and took a picture with me. Much happiness was had on my part. :)

Great trip. Great experiences. I really hope I can go back next year!!

Finding Space

Sometimes when you are grappling someone bigger and stronger, it can feel like your face and the mat are having an inappropriate relationship.

You know by watching how your instructor moves out of bad positions from underneath behemoths that it is possible to escape superior strength and size. You hear talk about leverage and hip movement, about using people's momentum against them. But when you get into an actual grapple and someone locks you down, it may feel like there is no possible way to move. The person is too tight. Or they have too much weight on you. Maybe they are just enormous and you feel like you are trying to grapple the moon. 

Fabio told me something one time that changed the way I thought about getting out from underneath heavier, stronger people or people who are locking me down. He said that a person cannot be tight everywhere at once. For example, if someone is locking down your head and shoulders, your hips will have room to move. Conversely, if someone locking down your hips, you will be able to make space with your upper body. Unless you are grappling an octopus or some kind of freakish alien, people simply don't have enough limbs to effectively lock down your whole body at once. 

These are some steps I have have been working on when I am under lock down:

 1. Instead of focusing on where I am trapped, I try to think about which parts of my body I can move and use.

2. If something is being pushed down, instead of pushing back, I try to either slide out to one side or the other, going towards the space from the areas that aren't locked down. Usually, this requires getting an under hook and a lot of hipping. 

3. I try to remember that I don't always have to come out to a side. Sometimes I can come out from behind a person, or invert and sneak over their head to their back. Taking risks and possibly landing in a worse position is part of learning how to escape.  

4. If I am trying to hip out to one side and a person is driving into me, changing directions quickly--like hipping back into them suddenly--will usually throw a person off balance and either give me room to escape or enable me to sweep. Unless, of course, they already expect my little tricks and then they just laugh while they squash my feeble attempts at freedom. 

Always Keep Moving

I have been trying to break a bad habit in the past few months. When I am grappling and get into a scramble and end up in a bad position, I have had the bad habit of stopping in the bad position for a little bit. For example, I am defending guard and someone passes and gets to side control. I would pause in side control for a few seconds. Part of it was being tired. Part of it was thinking about what to do next. Part of it was just feeling a little defeated, I guess.

But Fabio pointed out that, in a tournament, the person has to establish the position for 3 seconds before they get the points for it. If I keep moving, I might be able to escape before they get points for establishing the position.

So, lately, when I am grappling, it is my goal to never stop moving. If I don't know what to do, oh well. I try to just go with my instincts and see what happens. Doing that has been helpful because I am learning new ways I can move.

I try to ignore being tired. Last night a guy was passing my guard and we were scrambling. He was moving around on top of me with a lot of pressure and I was folding and hipping and folding, trying to return to guard. My muscles got so tired that, at one point, my whole chest felt like it was constricting and I felt a little panicked because I could not breathe. But I pushed through that panic kept moving until I got to my guard where I could rest for a second. It is amazing how my mind wants to give up before my body actually needs to.

If I am in a bad position and I am tired, thinking about escaping can be overwhelming. The thing that helps me the most when I am that tired is to focus on basic principles and small steps like, "I need the underhook here. Work for that underhook. Good. Now I need to hip out. Inch, inch, inch. Good." When I only work on a few steps at a time, it makes it seem like less of an impossibility. It also takes my mind off a negative fact--that I am in a bad position--and keeps it focused on a positive action--what I can do to escape.

There are a lot of times where I still run out of gas and have to pause in a bad position. If I absolutely have to stop, I defend my limbs and neck, breathe for a few seconds, then start inching and moving again.

The main things I am looking for with all of this constant movement are:

1. To move my limbs out of danger.

2. To create space for an escape.

3. To get my opponent off balance for a sweep.

4. To look for the chance to go on the offense (to attack something when someone is moving between positions, usually).

A teammate of mine who is a higher rank than me grappled me recently and, after a scramble, put me in a choke. Usually he lets me work out of submissions, but this time, he went for the tap. When I tapped and said it was a nice choke, he responded with, "Yeah, you were wriggling out of things so much and being such a pain in the ass I had to choke you." LOL. I take that as a compliment, sir. Hopefully I will get better at it.

Women's Self-Defense Seminar

This past Thursday, I had the pleasure of being a part of a Women's Self-Defense Seminar to benefit Relay for Life. Fabio hosted the seminar at his school, and I got the chance to try my hand at leading a seminar.

In case you don't know much about Relay for Life, is is a fundraising event led by volunteers in local communities where teams gather to celebrate loved ones who have battled cancer and won, to remember loved ones who have been lost to the disease and to raise money to fight back and work towards finding a cure.

I was excited to be a part of this because not only is this a great charity to support, but this past year I have experienced the fear that comes from hearing the word "cancer" after a loved one goes to the doctor. My grandmother battled breast cancer this year and is one of the lucky ones. It was a scary time for our family when we found out, because at first the prognosis wasn't good. But thank God she was able to fight back.

Since the seminar was for women and was attended by mostly women who had never done Jiu-Jitsu before, we focused mainly on techniques that can be used in self-defense if a man tries to attack and rape you. We worked several different armbars and kimuras from guard and mount escapes. After that, we had a "what if" session where they asked me questions like, "What if someone grabs you from behind." I told them that I was by no means an expert, but that I would show them what I would do in those situations. During the seminar I was so busy I completely forgot to take pictures. I know, I know. Go ahead and verbally flog me. ;)

I want to thank Relay for Life for coming out to our school and for letting us take part in the fight to cure cancer. We had an awesome time. Also, thanks to Stephanie, Jen, Joyce, Rowan, Shelby, Frances and Cheraine for coming out to help with the seminar. You ladies rock! :)